tunes

i'm on a very rare exploration into new music. i know who i like, so i usually don't really care to look into new artists. but today, for whatever reason, i'm checking out some new tunes. i might walk away with some new favorites, i might not...we'll see. (i'm listening to m83's new album and just laughed...they're just so weird. but, it's good, actually). to be honest, if i tell someone i'll check out whatever music they recommend, i probably won't. so, i'm not guaranteeing that i'll like it, but i figured i'd at least press play and see what happens.

here's what's on the list to check out for the next few weeks:

-m83: "saturdays=youth"

-jose gonzalez: "stay in the shade"

-bon iver: "for emma, forever ago"

-grizzly bear: "veckatimest"

-john mark mcmillan: "the song inside the sounds of breaking down"

-kings of leon: "because of the times" (and i'll listen to the new album, "only by the night", if i buy it).

-the weepies: "hideaway" and "say i am you"

a tasty piece/slice of toast

The introduction to my "One Year Devotional--Walk with God":

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2 (esv)

"We are told in Romans 12:2 to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. As every Christian knows, that's a process. We did not come into this world with a clear perception about God and His kingdom--or about our own selves, for that matter. We began with distorted views, and part of our task a Christians is to let God change our views to accurately reflect His character and His kingdom. In other words, we need wisdom.

...Remember that the Word of God expresses the mind of God. His thoughts are available to us...Most of all, let your mind be renewed and your life be transformed."

Romans 12:2 has been swarming inside of me for quite some time now, and it's becoming apparent that it's not a 'once for all' kind of remedy, so to speak; it's very much a process. But, like me, if you think it's not a daily thing, you'll soon find out that you're doomed. For me, it's a minute by minute thing, but that's okay. I suppose I used to get frustrated that it had to be a daily thing, thinking that I could survive a certain amount of time before coming back to it. No no, not the case; it's not a seasonal vaccination. Or aloe vera for a sunburn. Or one of those weird hangover concoctions. You get the point. Okay, let's see...it's like brushing your teeth. It's a daily thing. Okay, yeah...bad analogies, but whatever. I won't keep you in this trivial paradise for any longer.

For me, my most interesting writings come when my mind is all over the place, and I'm tempted to say that's probably not a good thing. I'm learning how in the world I'm to balance my natural personality with the Holy Spirit inside of me, and it's kinda' hard, I guess. My natural self is a punk of a kid--all neurotic and scattered and anxious, lacking esteem and conquered by comparisons. I also know that I get stuck inside myself with thoughts and words and poetry and music, and I get a little too much like RyGuy Adams and whatever dead poets live inside me. So, I really can't stand that place, but I know it usually produces good work (poems, songs, what have you). But, it takes so much out of me, and it's a dangerous place I don't like visiting. I'm well aware that this showcasing of myself makes me a little funnier, more animated/dramatic, to where I'm kind of like a sideshow spectacle of neuroses and art. (Obviously, my favorite artists are included in this category...you know them if you know me). So, we'll call that extremity A.

I know when I'm calm, (somewhat) collected, and peaceful it's only because it's the inner-workings of the Spirit. I'm very much "out of my mind" in the best way possible. I'm not in my head and my thoughts and my words; and instead, I'm more into sports scores, being outside, more apt to loving on people--not to mention more easily fixated on Christ. Consequently, any interest in producing written work comes to a simple simmer--no boiling out of control. You could say the simmer trades the convolution for a focus; namely, the Lord. It's not that my desire to write disappears, it's just that it seems to simplify itself to the point where it kinda' becomes boring and dull. So that's kinda' frustrating. To clarify, that's not to say that my heavenly focus is boring. I'm just saying my personal outlets for expression kinda' suffer, I suppose. But the kicker is that I'm not anxious or fearful or whatever. I'm very much at ease and all is well within my soul, and I LOVE it. It really sucks to have a over-thinking head if you let it get the best of you. So we'll call that extremity B.

I refuse to believe that adjectives such as "extreme", "obsessive", "possessive", etc. describe me. Now, I may tend to behave that way, but I really don't think it's biblical to act in such a way. I could be wrong, but my convictions lead me to believe that we, as Christians, are pretty useless and ineffective unless we're balanced. I'm learning what it means to live in the median. I'm not very used to it, but I like it, a lot. So, be patient, give me time. The more Romans 12:2-ness I saturate myself with, the better. I know this.

So, I really don't want to abandon either extremity. I just want to fuse them but really don't know how to just yet. When I think about my personal writing and such, I can't help but think that I'm not really doing too much to serve the kingdom. It actually seems pretty selfish to be in my head that much. That's why I consider leaving that for something else. But, I fear that I won't be as "fascinating" or "interesting"--that me by myself won't be enough. And when I think about leaving the pen behind, I don't necessarily like it, but I do know that life's a lot more easily enjoyed that way.

I'm very much figuring out where in the world "creativity" exists in our relationship with God. Part of me wants to say true, legitimate, Platonic creativity dies in relationship to Christ. But part of me also wants to say that creativity is a means of expression that God allows us to use. I really don't know where I stand. We'll see.

great illusionist

megaphone

red scare shout

atomic bombs

town hall meetings

not needed

let the people dance on the deck

don't shove a frightened face

on a magazine model

if not needed

midnight casanova

welcome to the real world

pillowed

words

one pillow per person

keep it

keep cinderella

remember that

pages keep going

blah blah blah

equals said too much

it's not rocket science

open space still leaves a line

( )

great illusionist

flip that trick

queen of hearts

meet abra-

cadabra

a word for romance

poor side street

hobos

steal petty cash

he has no romance

WMDs

daydreams for the weak

no lone ranger riding

a unicorn

saddle up a stallion

ticket to the gold rush

poetry soothe

not pent up garage

or sick soul

laun-

dromat

tackle box head

sharp tooth lure

no no no

better off dead

fend off melville's obsession

drown it

and leave it

better off dead

c'mon

hey neurotic, shut your trap.

self-control

this is kinda' long, but it's so good. it's from one of my devotionals and i have to share it. i hope it's just as applicable to you as it was for me.

"Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control."

Proverbs 25:28

The contemporary church is plagued with problems of self-discipline. Sinful behaviors have infiltrated our congregations possibly at unprecedented levels. One reason self-control is such a problem for so many Christians is that it feels like a work of the flesh. We are told to live Spirit-filled lives, so we become passive. We have incorrectly assumed that any effort on our part is "works", a product of the flesh and a symptom of legalism. We end up with a faith without works, and as we find out, that kind of faith is dead.

Self-control is perhaps the most confusing of all the fruits of the Spirit. How can it involve the self and the Spirit at the same time? If it's self-control, how can it be Spirit-control? It can't. But, contrary to popular teaching, the Bible never tells us to be controlled by the Spirit, at least not in the sense that we lose our personality and will. We are to be born of the Spirit, filled with the Spirit, led by the Spirit, inspired by the Spirit, and sealed by the Spirit. But we are not controlled by the Spirit. The Spirit enables us to have self-control.

A lack of self-control will cause us to neglect necessary disciplines like prayer, Bible study, contemplation, evangelism, and more. It will also cause us to indulge even godly desires in inappropriate ways. A lack of discipline distorts work, sexuality, entertainment, nutrition, and stewardship of time and money. If our lives were compared to an ancient city, self-indulgence would be the weakness in our walls. Erosion will eventually cause our protection to collapse and allow our enemies to raid.

The uncontrolled life squanders God's treasures--spiritual and material--and invites attack. At all costs, let the Spirit empower to learn self-control. It is the key to managing all other fruitfulness.

spaces

yeah, the original spacing wouldn't hold up. so, it's better how it actually looks on a page as opposed to the blog. you can see it sometime if you'd like.

dairy

i'm trying not to let

the ice cream melt off the cone

all over my hand

through my fingers

onto the pavement

where it's useless

where ants get stuck

scorch bare feet

i'm trying to

simpleeeeee

eat it enjoy it

have and have

more

more

summer

where ice cream is

what happens

what happens

what happened

more like spring

all green all new

flowers on graves

are not

flowers in hands

the same

but

not the same

just

eat

it

the flowers and the cream

hot and cold

you and me

both in a bite

new summer

new fear

inside snow

the side snow

'if i am a stranger'

times ten

o no

thinkings

battleshipping

facts

the post should only be trusted

jokes plus smily smirks

and lovely tonality

minus history

blue mugs and sweet dreams added

david on the run

and sweet tea added

That is good

is good as a gun

locked and loaded

ready for fire

at noonday

at a showdown

magical bullet

golden covered bloody

a sign clearly read as

"eat the ice cream"

no snatchings

"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand. I and the Father are one."

John 10: 27-30 (esv)

hang on as He holds.

every little thing is gonna' be alright.

take peace instead of fear.

breakfast

i'm a hard-boiled egg.

i'm the most atypical way to prepare an egg for breakfast.

i take a little more time to actually enjoy; one must follow some steps:

first, you've got to get a pot and fill it water. then, you have to actually heat up the stove and boil the water for awhile. (the actual egg isn't even involved yet). after it comes to a boil, then you've gotta' put the egg in the water for some minutes until it becomes 'boiled'. nope, not there yet. after the egg is boiled, you have to let the egg cool off and calm down to room temperature. after it's cooled, then you've gotta' start the process of stripping the shell off of the egg. but first, you have to forcibly but carefully crack the egg. the most painstaking part follows whence forth you have to take the detached shell from the egg. this can be very annoying, time consuming, and/or frustrating because some shell bits can be easier than others to take off; some fragments can be smaller and seemingly stuck to the egg. there needs to be a plea for patience during this process. before you know it, the egg sits there, naked and cold and simply wanting to be devoured by somebody.

so, here we are with what can seem to be a quite boring, dull, plain white egg. but, do not be fooled. most forget that it's even an egg anymore. from up close, it doesn't resemble its cousins, all yellowed and yolky and accompanied with toasted breads and various porks. from far away, it looks as though it's just another uncooked egg that isn't ready to eat.

but, for the few who know that it is indeed a ready-to-eat hard-boiled egg, the pleasure couldn't come too quickly. you can enjoy this prized undeveloped baby chicken embryo in many ways. you can salt and pepper it to no end, which brings out its full flavors. you can slice it and dice it and sprinkle onto a field of leafy greens, which adds some much need protein to a vegetarian delight. you can devil me up, but those are gross. or, you can just chomp away from the start. i'm also the most biblical egg, seeing as how easter always wants to doll me up in paints and crayons as i'm groveled over by the chocolate laden, sticky fingered kiddies after a good afternoon hunt. God bless me.

i'm not an egg-over-easy, spilling all over the place with all that i've got. i'm not over-medium, the choice fried egg for millions...the kind you see on tv ads for denny's. i'm not the fun loving scrambled that are the easiest to get acquainted and who most anyone can enjoy eating. (they're also really smart, encouraging, fun to hang out with, have good taste in literature/movies/music, and just gorgeous to look at). i'm not the omelette, the superman of eggs, encapsulating all that dwell in its presence, warming and treating its contents to a good ol' time even though they're all being cooked alive.

i'm hard-boiled.

i'm an egg nonetheless but just appear a little different. i've got the same amount of protein and cholesterol.

i'm sorry if i'm difficult, but i can't be apologetic because you just have to get to know me. it might seem selfish, but i've tried being prepared other ways and it just doesn't work. i cool off quicker than i used to, though.

i'll provide the salt and pepper if you provide the willingness to devour me.