new layout is a tad dramatic, i guess...but, whatever.

prettttttty prettttttttty prettttttty

tired of being scared of everything.

kaw-fee

"anxiety is the dizziness of freedom."

-soren kierkegaard

make a decision. move. get out of the middle.

quiet down, soul.

surrender

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

Romans 12:1-2

I believe it's not a matter of sacrificing "things" up to God, but rather sacrificing and surrendering your entire being.

Offer up yourself

-your thoughts

-your tendencies

-your weaknesses

-your stubbornness

-your fears

You are good, You are good, and Your love endures

Psalm 23

"The Lord is my shepherd,

I shall not want

He makes me lie down in

green pastures;

He leads me beside quiet

waters.

He restores my soul;

He guides me in the paths of

righteousness

For His name's sake.

Even though I walk through the

valley of the shadow of

death,

I fear no evil; for

Thou art with me;

Thy rod and Thy staff, they

comfort me.

Thou dost prepare a table

before me in the presence of

my enemies;

Thou hast anointed my

head with oil;

My cup overflows.

Surely goodness and

lovingkindness will follow

me all the days of my

life,

And I will dwell in the house

of the Lord forever."

I am learning by the grace of God, that in my time of distress, confusion, frustration, and woe, all that I can do to alleviate the fear and lies of the enemy is to worship God--to confess who He is. When I confess his faithfulness, His love, His grace and mercy, His goodness, His sovereignty, that is when I find peace. My soul only finds rest and is no longer left wanting when I seek the Lord.

Am I begging for the cake? And if I'm begging for the cake, is that me trying to force the cake to show up in front of me? Do I need to silence my desires and wants and just see if the cake is given to me? Or is it that it's okay that cake is a desire of mine, and it is generously given to me, but the free gift of such delicious cake freaks me out because I did nothing to deserve it? Where does the anxiety come from if I do really want the cake, and it's okay to want it, and it's been given to me? Does that mean I didn't really want the cake to begin with, or no? Am I scared of the cake? Will the cake make me sick and make me regret eating it?

Do I just think I want the cake, or do I legitimately want the cake (which is freely given and okay to want), but a jealous glutton in the background is playing mind games with me trying to confuse me about what I really want? Is the jealous glutton saying, "No no, you don't really want that piece of cake; you just think you do. That Server over there actually wants you to have cheesecake, but He'll give you the chocolate cake just to show you that you actually don't want the chocolate cake after all, but He's cruel enough to say, 'Figure it out on your own'." So I start to doubt the goodness of the Server and lose all faith and trust in Him. The jealous glutton says, "You aren't close enough to the Server...your desires are wrong; you should feel bad about what you want because what you want isn't what the Server wants for you." So, I feel helplessly doomed to wrestle with confusion as it continually KO's clarity. As soon as I give into the lies of the jealous glutton, the goodness of the Server gets twisted into some game where the Server says with a look of inevitable disappointment, "I really hope you make the right decision."

Or, am I sabotaging my appetite? Am I saying, "Mmm, yes...I want chocolate cake." And the generous Server says, "Okay, that's great...good choice...this is some of the finest chocolate cake in the world. Have it." And then it's given, and I fearfully and frantically say, "Oh...chocolate? I think I wanted some cheesecake, actually, so I'm not even going to enjoy this chocolate cake. I'm gonna' mash it up and spit it out with tears streaming down my face (because I know that I know that I know that I like chocolate cake, and how could I do such a thing?!)." Because when the Server has to clean up the mess because of the allowance I gave my fear, I realize that I knew I wanted the chocolate cake the whole time, and was too fearful to trust my desires and trust that maybe the Server knows me best and made those desires within me for chocolate cake all along. I forget that the Server is a good Server.

The jealous glutton will use any tool necessary to confuse us in order to make us question the goodness of the Server. If we ask for a good piece of cake from the Server whose hand is the only one that can lift the glass case protecting the cake, the jealous glutton knows not to tempt us with a t-bone steak, a dr. pepper, or even cookies. The jealous glutton is too clever. He tempts us with another piece of cake, tries to confuse our desires with "what if's" and "...really's...?", or tries to get us to question the goodness of the Server. The fact that the jealous glutton tries to convince us that cake, in general, isn't delicious is ridiculous! He knows that for some who know the Server very well, that ruining the relationship between those people and the Server by twisting up the truth is the only thing he's got left.

rata.tat

working on a poem instead of simply jack kero-whacking it out of my head. not that i'm lazy when it comes to writing, but it's that i try to keep it like a quick lightning bolt of a traveling mind...it goes and hits and goes again. (if you say i'm lazy with my writing, i'll slap you, and then thank you). so, i have something that i'll go ahead and cultivate. i'll till it up, treat it well, hold its hand, and let it go.

i definitely had 4 cups of coffee today. i promise it was an accident.

1 was a must; 2 was insurance; 3 was a sin; 4 was free.

"that rain falls so slowly"

I am on your side.

I am on your Side.

I am on your side.

I am on your side.

I am on your side.

mr. john keats

iterations replying to the replica imagined

yawn scatters the insides

of undelivered thought

thrice embalmed in freedom's

generous

offr'ing

"world, i've overcome you, world

i've overcome you,

world, I've overcome

by my song and the blood of a Son."

o dead poets and lovers

sanctioned by gravity's kin

the law of death

you take shape in sound or vision

imagined.

you lie

there on a pillow

or even on a screen,

mister John Keats

quotes as others', words as mine

all within God's reach and cause

hesitant to the beckoning:

settle now settle

seated at antidote

A "two hands"

not chosen towards me

Little flakes colored white

as dry

churning their best

to say what they

would like to say

I did not mention

I did not make mention of the coffee in front

The cup colored

aluminum mauve--still cosmic

and ceramic and white.

It does the same job of feeding me

named Edward on the right. They wear purple as "purple girls" today (so Edward must have been a mistake on someone's ear). Two men to watch two purples.

Wiggle and snuggle and hugging all sounds of a promise

The promise of a keeper

A Bauhaus shirt darkened in thread

Talk of moms and hello's to strangers

More talk of other daughters and moms

all with child

feather to the lift

soft in approach

calm in exit

tempting in return

Zippers and clips and baby

gadgets galore.

Sanitation is paramount.

Golden eyes glazed over blue.

and ga-ga

mesmerized cuckoo.

That step eighteen on down the line

is a must

Catch my attention

Throw it back to you

'til these hands butter

away

the dryness.

I was literally here--separate from the page--

on a third first

with my goodness and my lovely (and my less dramatic better half in the most loving way)

staring at the same colors

-tangerine child chair

-dark denim blue wall

-tweedy yellow chair, too

That picture never changing that

had praises spat upon

All this--in hands and eyes--the same, never changing

But there now barks and begs a dog

playing in opposition to what had lasted

from before

He or she--dare Not go near--

delays outside

visible from glass

delays car chase

episodes

and bark/bite combos

That changes that

photograph,

the chairs,

the hues of recognition,

the hands,

the mug,

the purple twos,

Wisdom

Wisdom is on my mind.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

[...] Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am being tempted by God," for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures."

-James 1:2-18

"In an economy of grace, all things come by asking and believing. That is the foremost requirement: to forsake our dependence on all self-effort and ask. God is generous with all things...The petitioner who asks God for His wisdom acknowledges the deficiency of his own. There can be no confusion of providence and pride when the gift begins with a humble request."

I don't have anything to add, as of now.

More to come.

pound

that stellar

construction

does it feel

punch here and here

thousands of lines

supposed to be hugging and

choking this love

sharp, tacky

slavish and splintered

enslaved

words trapping

and calling

-out to be noticed

whisper this way

whisper

right

on top

ask again

does it feel

elbows

steel in construction

ribs bruised by

giant hands

three empty couches with no one to fill the void

dive beneath

the soil

our birth

quicksand from one

thousand feet up

drive into the soil

find life, find yourself some life

those giant hands, always

again again

split solid ivory by kissing that

rib

cage

still, still grinding. Now I

have no

mouth, or seeing eyes, or vapor breath

untangle this dusty apparatus.

here, make

You

chalky fingernails

i have no idea why i'm playing music.

this cannot be good.

commercials just end up watching me

i'm cashing in on this pot of gold!

and, i'm really proud of my last post.

charlie rose (is on)

anything will do

(do) here

psalms

if i've lasted

curled and torqued, touching other

seeded and planted and growing

this chaff

of lasting howling

crept in, oh i mean

mean-----mean-----mean

kept in

did this stalky grieving

goldfish growing upset stomach

I bought this and it does not work

can you spare some help

oh, i surely surely surely tell you

surely broken

crystallization

hopes crossing

crooks

revel in the fix

o how i dare say,

i surely must've forgotten soooooomething at the market...

i'm sure it shall come to thee or me or whoever

striking terr--, terr--

terrific asphyxiation

to the welcomed, humble hands

negating natural

biology, crusting,

limpid

identification

"but i want so badly to be in these pages", "somewhere

so badly in the pages"

.................................................

..................."so badly in", so badly in, [so badly in]

...............................

.....

.......................

"um, well, yes...but that color does not bode well for my good graces' sake"

here lies this cork

"got deviled into"

wine

bad

holiday

here, and

vacationing

here

soaking

among other

tattooed blots of an estimation but an estimation

I myself

will

not calculate

nor estrange with variants

collecting data

by the sea

take

a handfull of sand and stick

it

in your mouth and

try to swallow

fab

who is this guy? what a loony.

ooh la la

i need to listen to more of what i say because it's makes for better sentences.

by "sentences", i mean better free-flowing thoughts.

by "free-flowing thoughts", i mean better songs, i think.

i've gotta' write in some capacity. (i almost wrote "crapacity", and as of now, that's pretty accurate). i'll be homeless and miserable if i don't make the push turn into a shove.

based on pages and pages and notebooks of notebooks of half-written scribbles of thought, i could die and be post-humously endured. but, i'd rather actually gather those things and make some musical use of them. i'm not a great vocalist by any means and i'm a decent guitar player, and even my writing is probably like a pre-teen falling in love, but i think i can make something of it. why not...i don't have anything else to do.

hey, blogworld

i'm so lazy.

i'm so burned/burnt (burnt looks better) out on the idea of nothing. (i sound like an idiot).

what do i have at my disposal? too much. i have "too" of everything, and it's become a hindrance to overcome.

i want to be something else. the idea of "else" is pretty great. "else" is a hard place to get to.

i don't even know where i am. am i in a place where i just constantly regret everything i do, and constantly devote myself to cynically attack every decent, original thought that comes into my head? i'm totally terrified of whatever's in these bones and beneath this skin.

my life is excruciatingly exciting. it comes at the expense of progression.

this is good. what can be better

???

i'll keep this post. i'll keep it. i'll keep because it came out.

reversion.inversion.

beats sleep.

beats a tired hand

and a scratchy piece of paper

scratching my eyes

johnny cash soloing

condensing breaths of a wind

to spit out "That"

dear, that's such a decorative lantern

a-thank-you, confusion

confusion meet me

salsa dancing (stole that)

avec

MY MY

confusion

idiot wind

breakdown of last post:

84% psychological/behavioral rationalization KO'ing the first commandment

11% disdain for technology

4% thoughts about Spain

1% chances I'm in outer space

I was reminded that I can't rationalize everything.

I wanted Corn Pops, instead

I'm battling my own personal cynicism even as I type out these words because it's probably going to escalate into an immature rant that I'll end up regretting by dawn. But, I've got nothing better to do because sleep won't come, either. Just don't even read it.

What are we doing? It's as vague of an inquiry as is the answer. I ask collectively because we're all of humanity at large, whether admittedly or not, asking the same question. Or, if we're not, we've just become extremely talented hiders. I can't hide for shit. I have this haunting crutch to never be content left wondering why I'm doing something. Not to point the existential finger (or give it to you for that matter), but I just can't help believe that most of us have somehow trapped our minds in the prisons of "job", "family", "accumulation", "retirement", usually in that order. I have nothing against having a family and an income by any means, but why have these things with such beautiful potential become stifling to the wild nature we all know we have? Shouldn't those things held most dear enhance and contribute to something adventurous, full of a visceral urge "to be"? I'm not petitioning to re-write American Beauty or Into the Wild, but my desire to gut and bleed out the status quo dines at a full table.

I've been stuffed with fears and bloated by anxiety for the past couple of years, but now, as my Facebook network has recently changed to "Texas Alum 09", I find (or rather, lose) myself in a panic about what I'm to do with my life. When the hell did circumstances for a twenty-something grow fangs and a wicked grin? Personal responsibilities have morphed into demands for success. Looking at my own life, I see that I'm primed to grow my WASP-y stinger if I want to, but I'm not sure that I want to. And if I choose to challenge that, I know I have institutional standards opposing that decision. Why does my socioeconomic status matter? If I'm not at my projected benchmark for the present quarter of my life, does that mean that I've failed the system? Whoops.

That society and technology are my brutal adversaries means I'm fighting in the clouds. I know that most of what I'm going through, and what many-a-fellow colleagues past and present have experienced, takes place in my soul. Nothing else makes sense. Am I on a "spiritual journey" stopping off at religious 7/11s on the way?

POW! PUNCH! ZOMP! This whole blog post started because I was specifically frustrated with music stuff. That took a few exits, and I ended up thinking about how I feel pressured to "keep up" with technology and society as a whole. I didn't like that idea of chasing after that stuff because I don't give a damn. (Of course, I'm typing on my new MacBook Pro and listening to Bob Dylan being invisibly played off some 'chip' or something). But the disconcerting part translates "the neglect to conform" into "Oh crap...I'm gonna' end up homeless and then get stabbed on the streets of Madrid." (I have no idea what Spain's crime rate is, but the Spanish coast is on my mind). But, minus being murdered, would that be the worst thing possible? The world keeps spinning.

I hate technology and I don't really know why. I hate technological advancements. I hate progression of information. I hate globalization. But I participate in all of these things everyday. What is technology trying to accomplish? (It gets tricky because medical advancements seem legitimate because I'm in the business of saving humans). I just feel we're wearing ourselves thin and then we'll all just implode on one another and then we're all screwed. So what do I usually do in order to save myself from my own cynicism so people won't think I'm nuts? Participate. I'm a sucker for some Althusserian interpellation, and it seems that's where I'm at. Even in my dreams to sell everything, travel, be homeless with a pen and paper, meet new people, etc. etc., I know it's just at the merciful hands of capitalism. Dammit. Even the media encourages me to go for it because they know my leash can't go around the world twice.

Eh, I really don't even feel like finishing this blog because I'm betting maybe three people will read it and just probably pray for me. I didn't mean for that to sound arrogant and resentful or that I'm pushing away God or prayer AT ALL...I know it's all I've got. I want to be clear about that. I'm just articulating that I want yours and my prayer to focus on trust. "Trust" me, I'm well aware that everything I'm writing and thinking about stems from a lack of trust about a million things. Don't pray for me to become responsible or to get prioritized or to finally put sheets on my bed or to take care of myself...if you offer a prayer, let it be--for all of us--just to trust. Trust goodness, trust hope, trust faith.

I'm going into outer space.

birds galore

i might be getting into birds. so far (in one INTENSE afternoon of wiki'ing 'birds'), i'm curious in the 'corvidae' family of birds which include crows, ravens, jays, and magpies, among others. apparently the most self-aware of birds (as suggested by mirror tests), these tweeters are on par with 'great ape' intelligence levels, if that even means anything.

yeah, that was my afternoon, more or less.

top 40

Holy, holy, holy! Lord God Almighty!
Early in the morning our song shall rise to Thee;
Holy, holy, holy, merciful and mighty!
God in three Persons, blessed Trinity!

Holy, holy, holy! All the saints adore Thee,
Casting down their golden crowns around the glassy sea;
Cherubim and seraphim falling down before Thee,
Who was, and is, and evermore shall be.

Holy, holy, holy! Though the darkness hide Thee,
Though the eye of sinful man Thy glory may not see;
Only Thou art holy; there is none beside Thee,
Perfect in pow’r, in love, and purity.

Holy, holy, holy! Lord God Almighty!
All Thy works shall praise Thy Name, in earth, and sky, and sea;
Holy, holy, holy; merciful and mighty!
God in three Persons, blessed Trinity!

Alright, so one 'Reginald Heber' wrote this back in 1826...i'm sure we all knew that.

i don't really have anything else to say...just the hymn.

you in me loves you

from ozzie chambers this aft. it's not the whole entry, but my pen went-a-underlinin' away.

'the conditions of discipleship'

"If any man come to Me, and hate not...he cannot be My disciple." Luke 14:26

"[...] Our Lord never proclaimed a cause; He proclaimed personal devotion to Himself. To be a disciple is to be a devoted love-slave of the Lord Jesus...No man on earth has this passionate love to the Lord Jesus unless the Holy Ghost has imparted it to him."

"The only Lover of the Lord Jesus is the Holy Ghost, and He sheds abroad the very love of God in our hearts. Whenever the Holy Ghosts sees a chance of glorifying Jesus, He will take your heart, your nerves, your whole personality, and simply make you blaze and glow with devotion to Jesus Christ."

"...the Christian must be consistent to the life of the Son of God in him, not consistent to hard and fats creeds."

it's encouraging to know that all of my wanting and desiring for the Lord rightly so exists only because of the Holy Spirit within me; it is only because of His gift of the Spirit to us that we can have any hope at all to live in the light in a dark world. it makes me realize, once again, that God's gifts--which are freely given to be freely received--exemplify His affections towards us. yes, our eternal salvation in heaven with Him and the allowance to enter into a personal relationship with Him once again through His son are paramount, but we forget that here and now, on this earth, the relationship begins--eternity is now. and when we enter into that divine relationship with a good good good Father, He doesn't hold back. to be certain, we actually have to get over ourselves to accept His love, His gifts, His blessings. our natural selves have a hard time grasping this 'free gift' thing (or at least i do), so a lot of the time we act out in a false humility, so to speak. our pride masquerades as humility so as to not live in the victory (for whatever reason) of the Cross. "oh, i'm not good enough". well yes, that's the point...our natural selves aren't. but, Christ in us must be in communion with the Father; therefore, we must accept the Love. we cheat Christ in us and the Spirit when we deny their communion with the Father.

it's agreed, we're all sinners saved by grace, but we are no longer sinners. God doesn't call us sinners; He calls us saints. we need to walk in victory and acknowledge God's grace 24/7. yes, grace is the key.

"Lord, when you are glorified, my heart is satisfied to know all praise and honor are Yours."--Paul Baloche

tunes

i'm on a very rare exploration into new music. i know who i like, so i usually don't really care to look into new artists. but today, for whatever reason, i'm checking out some new tunes. i might walk away with some new favorites, i might not...we'll see. (i'm listening to m83's new album and just laughed...they're just so weird. but, it's good, actually). to be honest, if i tell someone i'll check out whatever music they recommend, i probably won't. so, i'm not guaranteeing that i'll like it, but i figured i'd at least press play and see what happens.

here's what's on the list to check out for the next few weeks:

-m83: "saturdays=youth"

-jose gonzalez: "stay in the shade"

-bon iver: "for emma, forever ago"

-grizzly bear: "veckatimest"

-john mark mcmillan: "the song inside the sounds of breaking down"

-kings of leon: "because of the times" (and i'll listen to the new album, "only by the night", if i buy it).

-the weepies: "hideaway" and "say i am you"

a tasty piece/slice of toast

The introduction to my "One Year Devotional--Walk with God":

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2 (esv)

"We are told in Romans 12:2 to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. As every Christian knows, that's a process. We did not come into this world with a clear perception about God and His kingdom--or about our own selves, for that matter. We began with distorted views, and part of our task a Christians is to let God change our views to accurately reflect His character and His kingdom. In other words, we need wisdom.

...Remember that the Word of God expresses the mind of God. His thoughts are available to us...Most of all, let your mind be renewed and your life be transformed."

Romans 12:2 has been swarming inside of me for quite some time now, and it's becoming apparent that it's not a 'once for all' kind of remedy, so to speak; it's very much a process. But, like me, if you think it's not a daily thing, you'll soon find out that you're doomed. For me, it's a minute by minute thing, but that's okay. I suppose I used to get frustrated that it had to be a daily thing, thinking that I could survive a certain amount of time before coming back to it. No no, not the case; it's not a seasonal vaccination. Or aloe vera for a sunburn. Or one of those weird hangover concoctions. You get the point. Okay, let's see...it's like brushing your teeth. It's a daily thing. Okay, yeah...bad analogies, but whatever. I won't keep you in this trivial paradise for any longer.

For me, my most interesting writings come when my mind is all over the place, and I'm tempted to say that's probably not a good thing. I'm learning how in the world I'm to balance my natural personality with the Holy Spirit inside of me, and it's kinda' hard, I guess. My natural self is a punk of a kid--all neurotic and scattered and anxious, lacking esteem and conquered by comparisons. I also know that I get stuck inside myself with thoughts and words and poetry and music, and I get a little too much like RyGuy Adams and whatever dead poets live inside me. So, I really can't stand that place, but I know it usually produces good work (poems, songs, what have you). But, it takes so much out of me, and it's a dangerous place I don't like visiting. I'm well aware that this showcasing of myself makes me a little funnier, more animated/dramatic, to where I'm kind of like a sideshow spectacle of neuroses and art. (Obviously, my favorite artists are included in this category...you know them if you know me). So, we'll call that extremity A.

I know when I'm calm, (somewhat) collected, and peaceful it's only because it's the inner-workings of the Spirit. I'm very much "out of my mind" in the best way possible. I'm not in my head and my thoughts and my words; and instead, I'm more into sports scores, being outside, more apt to loving on people--not to mention more easily fixated on Christ. Consequently, any interest in producing written work comes to a simple simmer--no boiling out of control. You could say the simmer trades the convolution for a focus; namely, the Lord. It's not that my desire to write disappears, it's just that it seems to simplify itself to the point where it kinda' becomes boring and dull. So that's kinda' frustrating. To clarify, that's not to say that my heavenly focus is boring. I'm just saying my personal outlets for expression kinda' suffer, I suppose. But the kicker is that I'm not anxious or fearful or whatever. I'm very much at ease and all is well within my soul, and I LOVE it. It really sucks to have a over-thinking head if you let it get the best of you. So we'll call that extremity B.

I refuse to believe that adjectives such as "extreme", "obsessive", "possessive", etc. describe me. Now, I may tend to behave that way, but I really don't think it's biblical to act in such a way. I could be wrong, but my convictions lead me to believe that we, as Christians, are pretty useless and ineffective unless we're balanced. I'm learning what it means to live in the median. I'm not very used to it, but I like it, a lot. So, be patient, give me time. The more Romans 12:2-ness I saturate myself with, the better. I know this.

So, I really don't want to abandon either extremity. I just want to fuse them but really don't know how to just yet. When I think about my personal writing and such, I can't help but think that I'm not really doing too much to serve the kingdom. It actually seems pretty selfish to be in my head that much. That's why I consider leaving that for something else. But, I fear that I won't be as "fascinating" or "interesting"--that me by myself won't be enough. And when I think about leaving the pen behind, I don't necessarily like it, but I do know that life's a lot more easily enjoyed that way.

I'm very much figuring out where in the world "creativity" exists in our relationship with God. Part of me wants to say true, legitimate, Platonic creativity dies in relationship to Christ. But part of me also wants to say that creativity is a means of expression that God allows us to use. I really don't know where I stand. We'll see.

great illusionist

megaphone

red scare shout

atomic bombs

town hall meetings

not needed

let the people dance on the deck

don't shove a frightened face

on a magazine model

if not needed

midnight casanova

welcome to the real world

pillowed

words

one pillow per person

keep it

keep cinderella

remember that

pages keep going

blah blah blah

equals said too much

it's not rocket science

open space still leaves a line

( )

great illusionist

flip that trick

queen of hearts

meet abra-

cadabra

a word for romance

poor side street

hobos

steal petty cash

he has no romance

WMDs

daydreams for the weak

no lone ranger riding

a unicorn

saddle up a stallion

ticket to the gold rush

poetry soothe

not pent up garage

or sick soul

laun-

dromat

tackle box head

sharp tooth lure

no no no

better off dead

fend off melville's obsession

drown it

and leave it

better off dead

c'mon

hey neurotic, shut your trap.

self-control

this is kinda' long, but it's so good. it's from one of my devotionals and i have to share it. i hope it's just as applicable to you as it was for me.

"Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control."

Proverbs 25:28

The contemporary church is plagued with problems of self-discipline. Sinful behaviors have infiltrated our congregations possibly at unprecedented levels. One reason self-control is such a problem for so many Christians is that it feels like a work of the flesh. We are told to live Spirit-filled lives, so we become passive. We have incorrectly assumed that any effort on our part is "works", a product of the flesh and a symptom of legalism. We end up with a faith without works, and as we find out, that kind of faith is dead.

Self-control is perhaps the most confusing of all the fruits of the Spirit. How can it involve the self and the Spirit at the same time? If it's self-control, how can it be Spirit-control? It can't. But, contrary to popular teaching, the Bible never tells us to be controlled by the Spirit, at least not in the sense that we lose our personality and will. We are to be born of the Spirit, filled with the Spirit, led by the Spirit, inspired by the Spirit, and sealed by the Spirit. But we are not controlled by the Spirit. The Spirit enables us to have self-control.

A lack of self-control will cause us to neglect necessary disciplines like prayer, Bible study, contemplation, evangelism, and more. It will also cause us to indulge even godly desires in inappropriate ways. A lack of discipline distorts work, sexuality, entertainment, nutrition, and stewardship of time and money. If our lives were compared to an ancient city, self-indulgence would be the weakness in our walls. Erosion will eventually cause our protection to collapse and allow our enemies to raid.

The uncontrolled life squanders God's treasures--spiritual and material--and invites attack. At all costs, let the Spirit empower to learn self-control. It is the key to managing all other fruitfulness.

spaces

yeah, the original spacing wouldn't hold up. so, it's better how it actually looks on a page as opposed to the blog. you can see it sometime if you'd like.

dairy

i'm trying not to let

the ice cream melt off the cone

all over my hand

through my fingers

onto the pavement

where it's useless

where ants get stuck

scorch bare feet

i'm trying to

simpleeeeee

eat it enjoy it

have and have

more

more

summer

where ice cream is

what happens

what happens

what happened

more like spring

all green all new

flowers on graves

are not

flowers in hands

the same

but

not the same

just

eat

it

the flowers and the cream

hot and cold

you and me

both in a bite

new summer

new fear

inside snow

the side snow

'if i am a stranger'

times ten

o no

thinkings

battleshipping

facts

the post should only be trusted

jokes plus smily smirks

and lovely tonality

minus history

blue mugs and sweet dreams added

david on the run

and sweet tea added

That is good

is good as a gun

locked and loaded

ready for fire

at noonday

at a showdown

magical bullet

golden covered bloody

a sign clearly read as

"eat the ice cream"

no snatchings

"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand. I and the Father are one."

John 10: 27-30 (esv)

hang on as He holds.

every little thing is gonna' be alright.

take peace instead of fear.

breakfast

i'm a hard-boiled egg.

i'm the most atypical way to prepare an egg for breakfast.

i take a little more time to actually enjoy; one must follow some steps:

first, you've got to get a pot and fill it water. then, you have to actually heat up the stove and boil the water for awhile. (the actual egg isn't even involved yet). after it comes to a boil, then you've gotta' put the egg in the water for some minutes until it becomes 'boiled'. nope, not there yet. after the egg is boiled, you have to let the egg cool off and calm down to room temperature. after it's cooled, then you've gotta' start the process of stripping the shell off of the egg. but first, you have to forcibly but carefully crack the egg. the most painstaking part follows whence forth you have to take the detached shell from the egg. this can be very annoying, time consuming, and/or frustrating because some shell bits can be easier than others to take off; some fragments can be smaller and seemingly stuck to the egg. there needs to be a plea for patience during this process. before you know it, the egg sits there, naked and cold and simply wanting to be devoured by somebody.

so, here we are with what can seem to be a quite boring, dull, plain white egg. but, do not be fooled. most forget that it's even an egg anymore. from up close, it doesn't resemble its cousins, all yellowed and yolky and accompanied with toasted breads and various porks. from far away, it looks as though it's just another uncooked egg that isn't ready to eat.

but, for the few who know that it is indeed a ready-to-eat hard-boiled egg, the pleasure couldn't come too quickly. you can enjoy this prized undeveloped baby chicken embryo in many ways. you can salt and pepper it to no end, which brings out its full flavors. you can slice it and dice it and sprinkle onto a field of leafy greens, which adds some much need protein to a vegetarian delight. you can devil me up, but those are gross. or, you can just chomp away from the start. i'm also the most biblical egg, seeing as how easter always wants to doll me up in paints and crayons as i'm groveled over by the chocolate laden, sticky fingered kiddies after a good afternoon hunt. God bless me.

i'm not an egg-over-easy, spilling all over the place with all that i've got. i'm not over-medium, the choice fried egg for millions...the kind you see on tv ads for denny's. i'm not the fun loving scrambled that are the easiest to get acquainted and who most anyone can enjoy eating. (they're also really smart, encouraging, fun to hang out with, have good taste in literature/movies/music, and just gorgeous to look at). i'm not the omelette, the superman of eggs, encapsulating all that dwell in its presence, warming and treating its contents to a good ol' time even though they're all being cooked alive.

i'm hard-boiled.

i'm an egg nonetheless but just appear a little different. i've got the same amount of protein and cholesterol.

i'm sorry if i'm difficult, but i can't be apologetic because you just have to get to know me. it might seem selfish, but i've tried being prepared other ways and it just doesn't work. i cool off quicker than i used to, though.

i'll provide the salt and pepper if you provide the willingness to devour me.